Cats and Wine make everything fine

I was devastated when I lost my cat Cuckoo in an accident. I swore I would never bring in any more pets’ home because bearing her loss was extremely painful.

Every fur that was there on the couch and the bed was so precious to me as I refused to change the sheets fearing that the gold and white fur was the last of what I have of her. Weeks passed and I literally began to hallucinate her meows in the middle of the night. The wound she left on my chest with her sharp claws while trying to jump over me was slowly turning into a scar which I would treasure all my life.

Life was just ok until a couple of months later I woke up and chose to change my life around for good. I was missing insanity, peace, and had some extra money to shell out. Hence, I went to a shelter miles away post work with an orange medium sized basket which I assumed would contain a cat or a dog. I was not sure at that point in time.

I reached the shelter late evening and filled up some forms. After a lot of thorough scrutiny to check how good a pet parent I would make, they opened the doors to heaven. In this heaven I could choose only one angel or more if I like. One's heart melts to see so many of them just prancing around happy, uncertain of their weakness and the chaos of the world that thinks less of them. I wished I could be them. There was food, caretakers, friends, and lots of space to play around. Their eyes had a certain sadness mixed with a particular beauty and glow which cannot be explained. Imagine having to welcome so many people into the gates with waggy tails and excitement every single time while knowing for sure that they too would not choose you. Yet you gleam with joy and wag your tail and dance around the humans who the universe chose to be the greater of all living species to feed you, bathe and most importantly love and accept you.  

I walked around for a while petting many dogs, some of whom were blind, physically disabled and injured, one calf who was severely injured in an accident as well and an ox. Most of these were once pets who were once loved, cared, and had a home. Now they have been abandoned for minor weaknesses or inconveniences. They do not have a court to voice their unconditional love for the superior species. They hope and hold on to dear life always with the fear and hope that this home would be theirs forever. Unfortunately, it did not work that way. I remembered at once how much we loved our cuckoo.

A few minutes passed and I found this huge cage in which a few injured cats were placed.

I looked around and noticed five kittens. Two injured, one lifeless one just there doing nothing and then the ONE that was hence forward going to be the calm and the storm of my life.

The one for whom 5 years down the lane I would write a blog and would also cry happy tears just because he chose to boop his nose with mine. This morning while he lay peacefully beside me clinging to my arms for warmth, I recollected how he danced his way into my life and could not help but kiss him multiple times until he got annoyed and changed his position with his butt facing my face. Good enough a message that said, “leave me alone”.

This led me to thinking how relatable my life had become to these animals without a voice. For the last 5 years I have felt like one of these angels. Wounded by people from the past, crippled by fears and anxieties of the future, blinded by the false love of many who later betrayed and abandoned by ones who I thought would never leave me.

More often wondering am I not good enough? Am I ugly from the scars of the accidents? Am I too old? I will be the best I can ever be, all I need is love. A tinge of pain in the heart when I know I am being swiped away or disliked for reasons unknown.  What baffles more is that one day you are the most loved person and the next day you are given reasons as to why you are not.

Like these angels at the shelter, I too am one, waiting to be accepted despite all my shortcomings but always with a fear that what if I am again abandoned. For some of us, the fear of being alone is constant. Yet we wake up wagging ourselves with a twinkle of hope in our eyes hoping and believing we too will be loved, homed, and accepted.

 Friday evening and I got my thinking cat on! Sighing as I pour myself a glass of wine and with my cat by my side, I suddenly feel so blessed to have him while I overthink the complexities of my life. I feel happy to see him safe and secure next to me and not having to wonder in a shelter if he will ever be loved or accepted.  I’ve got him. He’s got me. There is nowhere else we’d rather be.

I dedicate this post to my little 4-legged toe bean who drives me to the brink of insanity, yet I love him so much that all I need is his purring to calm me down and think to myself that “hey, everything is going to be just fine”.

 

Thanks for reading.