Rose Pais

Leavers losers   It is a cold winter Monday morning. My son sits in front of his monitor attending his online classes, while I sit diagonally behind him in front of my laptop attending to my job. I sigh deeply every now and then because of the unexplained heaviness in my heart. They are teaching the lesson “The greedy Fox” today. I need to concentrate on his class as parents are accountable if the little children do not listen. Secretly I enjoy his classes. I can answer all the questions and I know the meanings and the spellings. I sit and wish I had this kind of brain power when I was a kid so I could score high.   The first words that came out of my kids mouth this morning was” what?? Its Monday already?”. At age 6 if that is the reaction to a Monday one can only imagine what Monday feels like at age 36. But I gracefully respond with utmost respect towards the dreaded day stating “All days are God made. Let us respect every day we have” and kissed him good morning. D...

A snippet straight from the glass of Vodka Usually while I am drinking, I either go extremely quiet or I blabber and annoy people out of their wits. Last weekend my brain chose to annoy. Nolan was not around, so the target was Mom. I did not want to mess with my cat. He does not tolerate nonsense. My mom has been my strongest and my only strength, if she was not around, I guess I would not have been alive today. Because I was drunk, I guess, not sure, I decided to tell her how much she meant to me. And I chose to do this after I guess 20+ years. I do not remember the last time I told her I love her. Wrong move, but you see, when your drunk, who cares. Since Nolan was out, I told his bicycle how I hated it for occupying so much space in my house. I told my cat I love his tail. And there was Mom, sitting peacefully having lunch while I was listening to Metallica. She knows how much I love every annoying thing around me when I am drunk, but till date she has never mentioned ...

Dear God,  How are you? I tried getting through you for years now through daily prayers and offerings. I am not sure why, but you haven’t responded yet. Therefore I decided check if you are ok and all is well up there. I hope this letter finds you in total peace unlike how it is down here with us.  Life is great down here. A lot of excitement and fun, just that the definition of fun is no more what it used to be. I would like to bring to your notice dear God, in case you haven’t yet, that life is not what you thought it would be when you created it. The men especially have turned out to be a disaster and the women are ok, but the good news is they are getting close to what you created them initially. They have reached a stage of two piece, I am sure slowly down the lane, they would all be naked.   Last night while watching the news, not news exactly, it was a crime story showcasing on cable TV, I wondered for a while if you existed, then I thought maybe...

My feelings for you no words can tell,  Except for maybe "go to hell"    The words “I love you” makes every knee bone go weak. Those are the same 3 words when heard makes one decide that this is it, there is nothing more in life but LOVE and the person, who seems to be showering it on like never before and also  gets the brand “The ONE” . The chosen one and the ONE you believe is made for you.  Irrespective of whether the showering is faked up or not, at that point in time and moment, it means the world to us.  Remember you are not alone in this journey that has just started or has abruptly just ended. Never know you might be the lucky one, you would never know unless it has ended. How would you know it isn't going to last forever unless it has come to an end? It starts like the fresh rays of the morning sun. Feels so soothing, and feels healthy. The butterflies for a change flutter in our stomachs and not in the gardens during those days. We are no mo...

I burnt my tongue over a hot cup of tea this morning! Ouch did that hurt! A very big deal for me, cause now my taste buds are numb and darn! I can’t taste those Christmas cookies today. I don’t think you care do you? Well, never mind…  what I was going to actually say is… before you take the risk of burning your tongues by reading the rest of the lengthy Gyaans below, I would like to take a minute to thank each one of you for taking a moment from your 9:15 minutes of work, break from work and pretending to work, to read this! I have received complaints from fellow bloggers that my blogs are lengthy and I need to cut short, which however, is impossible for me.  Every time I end the article by thanking the reader for reading, this time I take immense pleasure in thanking you before you read!  I was sitting in a workshop this morning and one of the phrases the coordinator mentioned motivated me to write this article. Although a very bad thing to do, my mind slipped away fro...

It is when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about myself that I didn't know and may not like. I start feeling insecure and wonder where I will be in a year or two, but then get scared because I barely know where I am now. I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that I thought I was so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met, and the people I have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What I don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as I am. I look at my job... and it is not even close to what I thought I would be doing, or maybe I am looking for a job and realizing that I am going to have to start at the bottom and that scares me. My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging more than usual because suddenly I realize ...

She stood on a stage surrounded by a thin black sheet of glass. There were many people sitting outside watching her whereas she could see none. She held the mike stand so tight so that she does not fall. The sweat tinkled down from her chest to the navel, making her fear visible on her clothes.   “Why do I have to do this” she thought to herself. Is it necessary to come out? She trembled as the memories gushed into her brain, her lips dry and her throat swallowing the shame, the fear of the aftermath. Would she be able to withstand the blame? Why can’t secrets be taken to the grave? It is ok to have wings and not fly. It is ok to be sad, hopeless and disturbed, yet deny.   She prayed for this trauma to stop. She begged for her thoughts to go. It only made her numb ever more with pain. A deep secret within her stayed on, although she tried to let go, but in vain. A very long ago, when she was little, she knew of many people who were not so little. They were family ...