I come in peace, God

Dear God, 

How are you? I tried getting through you for years now through daily prayers and offerings. I am not sure why, but you haven’t responded yet. Therefore I decided check if you are ok and all is well up there. I hope this letter finds you in total peace unlike how it is down here with us. 

Life is great down here. A lot of excitement and fun, just that the definition of fun is no more what it used to be. I would like to bring to your notice dear God, in case you haven’t yet, that life is not what you thought it would be when you created it. The men especially have turned out to be a disaster and the women are ok, but the good news is they are getting close to what you created them initially. They have reached a stage of two piece, I am sure slowly down the lane, they would all be naked.  

Last night while watching the news, not news exactly, it was a crime story showcasing on cable TV, I wondered for a while if you existed, then I thought maybe you have grown too old to notice, or may be 

blinded with the events over the years since creation. Either of it, I suggest you look down for once; you might want to recreate some stuff around here. Especially the men, they really need rework. 

I am assuming you’re a man too; how you ask me? Well, I have been asking for that promotion for quite some time now, you don’t seem to care; typical man I must say, because I have been asking my husband for a gold bangle and it’s the same response there as well. I don’t want to beg, but since you have the power and he has the money, I thought I can give it a shot and ask if you guys can make it work. But no, you don’t seem to budge, well don’t worry now; I have decided to threaten my boss directly instead. Oh don’t panic, threatening is not that bad. Well, for your information hard work doesn’t pay anymore; things have changed around here, Boycott, murder, threatening, kidnapping, corruption, terrorism and rape all these are in and happening. These fields pay well. Terrorizing boss will be the second phase, for now I shall go with the threatening. I tried my luck at murder after I got married, somehow I felt you are watching and Christmas was nearing, I had to be good with no choice left, well too bad I realized your blind pretty late. And it seems Santa Claus does not exist either. All the pain I took trying to be good, this is not fair God. We kids need to be treated seriously. I demand so.  

I would like to go easy on my letter to you. I don’t want to scare you. Just in case you were in a deep slumber when the eagle arrived with this letter, I am sorry; it’s time to wake up. I don’t have your phone number, nor do you have email. Well, I checked if you were on face book, no luck there either. Someone has not changed with the times huh? Things down here would have been a lot better if you had one of those. Well, no problem, I can get you introduced to it, for now, I am trying my best here to tell you in the most subtle way that things are not the same as it meant to be, especially with the men God. Did you have to create them? Just checking.  

You had forbidden the man and woman not to eat the red apple from the wisdom tree didn’t you? You tried to keep the best to yourself huh? Hear this, we can eat one every day!!! Well, we don’t get it as fresh as you have them up there, but they are ok, pretty costly though. It keeps the doctors away and eventually it slows the process of dying. Well, not too slow, but we manage to drag ourselves till 75 odd. It is very hard, because by 60 we urinate frequently, our ears deafen and eyes go blind, yes, something similar to your situation currently, and by 70 we try to be nice to everyone and rectify our mistakes because it is almost time to reach Paradise. Well, you don’t have to worry since you have already made it there. How come you manage to be good throughout? You haven’t done a single mistake yet? Really? Not once? What about the time you created the men? Well according to me God that what you did was a HUGE mistake. Never mind, we are all humans aren’t we? If we don’t act foolish while we are young, you won’t have anything to smile about when you grow older.  

If you’re done smiling, here is some news for you to feel exactly the way I feel right now. But before I do, I am so sorry I almost forgot the introduction.  

I am Rose, a cute and perfectly adorable creation of yours, a woman born on the tenth month. Thank you dear God for giving me a brain, unlike the men who have a … never mind. I live in a country called India, you will have to rotate the earth a little to see it. It is surrounded by 3 side’s water. A small 

country you created with a lot of beauty and gold. Well, there is a big deal of things happening down here. Hence, the letter to you, I thought it is time. Just in case you have failed to remember yet, I am the one you created while you were in your worst moods ever. Hope I have refreshed your memory enough.  

No God, I am not the one with a conjoint twin. I am perfectly normal, with abnormal things happening in life.  

Anyway, I don’t blame you for a bad mood, everyone has one.  Here we go, I would like to bring to your notice dear God about the recent rapes, murders and corruption that has happened down here. Well, as I mentioned before, it is the latest trend since humans have exhausted themselves of all the good habits. I am not sure if all these were characteristics inbuilt in the human system while you created them or they were contaminated by it later from the dinosaurs, it surely is very disturbing and it has become very difficult to survive down here. Mummy often says animals are much better than humans. To an extent true, I would give you a hundred out of hundred if only you could have informed the dogs not to drink from the toilet and not to urinate on the carpet while creating them. My dog sweetie drives me nuts. See, I notice flaws in almost everything you have done, I am guessing you had a good reason?  I almost forgot, there is one thing you created perfectly and that would be nature. She is beautiful I must say. Good job on that, but, God sorry to say that we have something called the government now, which is corrupt and they are felling your trees for money. The sandalwood tree faces the brunt all the time. Recently few humans got together and sat on the trees to try stopping the killing, too bad, the humans were dragged away by the police and the trees have been chopped. The recent killings are for widening of roads actually. If only you had designed better roads, wider ones, you would still have your trees down here. I cried dear God, seeing the plight of the green wonders lying dead on the floor. This world is no more colorful. It is filled with smoke from the vehicles. Ok, now this explains why you can’t see well from up there. Try blowing the smoke away you might get a good live view of some disasters. We get to see few on TV.  

You thought the men would stick to farming and the women will cook? High hopes God, what makes you think we women are meant only for cooking? No problem, anyway, we have more well paying jobs now you know. Drug dealing, prostitution and beggary and many more are in, fetches a lot of money. But the coolest job I have seen around is the one in which people get money saying your name. If recession hits the job I am into, I might consider sitting in front of a worship place. It is cool, the money one gets there is enough to fetch me some brandy, cigarettes and food for a day.  

Next time you create something; try not to get the man and woman married to each other please? It is a good intention though to think of us having a companion, a soul mate, a friend and all that jazz but trust me; it is not exactly like that now. First of all, we get bored seeing the same face every day, and it is not right according to you to see other faces or anything else for that matter. Secondly, it is really annoying at times. Let me put it this way, when an eagle gives birth, it takes care of the eaglets for a while, feeds them with love, warmth and teaches them to fly. Once the eaglets become eagles they fly into a new nest leaving their mummy and daddy behind. Then they start life fresh and do as their parents did. I 

know right now you have the “DUH obviously I created them so I know” kind of look on your face. But God now it is not like that. Only the women are expected to leave their mom and dad, blankets and bed, plate and spoon, soft toys and pets and everything precious to them, but the men get to remain sissies till the end. This leads to the men smoking drinking and then there is something called divorce. Divorce is good, just that some women loot the men of all their money, and some men don’t let the women live in peace. They get married again and it’s the same old story.  

I don’t understand the eunuchs God. Were they meant to be born that way? They are good people you know, but it is sad that they have to dance, and beg just because you created them that way? I like them, I wish you grant them justice soon or please make all the people who ill-treat them the same. This way we would get to see a lot more entertainment during traffic jams.  

Our ancestors taught us something they claim you taught them, that hard work does not kill anyone. Are you aware of what’s happening to the ants around here? You might want to consider changing some rules around here. Our politicians get paid for not doing any work. How cool is that?  Regarding the rapes, corruption, kidnapping and many more such horrendous habits of the current generation, I would like to request you to kindly take a quick action against the humans involved. The animals have no shelter, the trees have no ground. The poor have no food or clothes, the rain is not anywhere around. The rich keep getting richer, the poor wilt away, and it is no more one God, one nation to your dismay. The kings no more rule, the queens dead and gone, well there is one somewhere in some country but not worthwhile at all. Politics is a religion with lots of gold and money to spend, prayers no more work, corruption is the trend. Rape is a stress buster, or a way of showing anger, whatever it may be it makes me shudder. It doesn’t matter if it is a baby or an old woman nearing her grave, no one is spared, even if you are brave. We see churches mosques and temples but we don’t see you, where are you god when we visit these places just to be with you. We cry, we moan and we quiver with fear, hoping you will hear us, and wipe away our tear. I don’t need the promotion nor do I need the gold, all I want is peace Lord and the women and children behold. Wipe away the kidnapping, the corruption and rape; let the corrupt die God when there is a bomb blast around. Why God the corrupt don’t die, is it your plan, are you watching or you don’t care? Show some mercy God whatever it may be, we are after all your creation change us and let us be.  

I am not good at poetry, just tried a stint at it, don’t get me wrong I am humorous just because you are God and I want to go easy on you. Not sure when all this will drive me crazy, one more bomb blast by the terrorist and I might come up there directly to deal with you. Spare the innocent and make this world a better place is all I am asking for, in case you need new glasses or hearing aid, let me know I can send one. Look, being human is not easy, hope this letter gives you a vague idea of how it is down here. It is worse than you can imagine. But, life still goes on for us.  

I can go on with the entire latest trend in my country, and the world, but for now, I got to go. I hope I wasn’t too rude. Thanks for the good stuff though. There are some good men around without whom we would not have children, and without whom I would not be born. Some marriages do work, but terms and conditions apply. We still have few trees left in the forest; the animals are converting to bags, and 

shoes.  

My grandpa was really a good man, strange that all good people die soon. Please say a hello to him from me because I am sure he is with you.  Hoping you would respond, if you do, give me your phone number. I can take you through face book and make life easy for both of us. May be you can call me, I heard you called few people who work in a call center.  If I find no response to this email, you’re calling for more trouble. Still, I come in peace. Bye God 

PS: You can change things down here without responding to my letter. Some jerk said if you need change be the change, I tried changing, and life still sucks.